Take a jar, a piece of paper, a pencil, and some scissors. Write down something on that piece of paper: a line, a paragraph, an essay, but make it something that makes sense and means something. Maybe it took you seconds to think of, minutes, hours even to put it together, but its on paper now and its a coherent masterpiece. Now, take your scissors and cut out your writing into fragments, whether they be sentences, words, phrases, even letters, and collect the pieces. Put all the pieces in your jar, close the lid, and shake violently. Now open the jar and spread the contents out on the table face up. What do you have?
A mess.
What you have is a bunch of letters, words, or phrases that in their current form are utterly useless and incomprehensible but were once something coherent and practical. What you have is a depiction in the physical form of exactly what happens when I take something I have thought of in my head, or even written down in part, and try to communicate it verbally to someone, particularly a group of people. Call it a bodily reaction to public speaking or a minor form of autism. Whatever it is, I have it, and it's driving me insane.
I can't wait for my communications class next fall...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Conflicting Analogies
I find it ironic that my blog pretty much died with the poem "Death be not proud". That might have been the saddest thing ever (I'm sure), but fortunately I don't plan on an end to this blog coming soon. The space between these posts has merely been a long interlude. For that, I apologize.
I remember writing numerous posts in the past about roller coasters. Roller coasters, I thought, were the perfect analogy to describe my life. In the midst of constant struggle, my life would either be on the upswing or the downswing; at the top of the incline awaiting the fall or in full descent awaiting the flat line. But now that I thing back on it, the whole analogy is in another respect totally and completely flawed.
A roller coaster is in its essence a vehicle. It moves you from one place to another. But unlike other vehicles, a roller coaster is uncontrollable. It doesn't have a steering wheel or a winch and doesn't give or turn when weight is shifted. Furthermore, it doesn't actually take you anywhere, it merely brings you back where you started or to an exit right next to where you originally got on. This creates a problem, because life is not a circle. However much someone may try to persuade you otherwise, life does not go from simplicity at birth to a climax at growth to simplicity at death. It is a journey (excuse the cliche).
Saying my life is a rollercoaster condemns my life to one in which I have no control, and in which I have no purpose. If my destination is right where I started, then there's no point in what I do in the middle of it anyway. If I can't change anything anyway, then the inclines and pitfalls are inevitable and I might as well just do whatever I feel like, because non of it changes anything. But this is far from the truth.
I've realized over this Easter that the life God has given us is what we make of it. Even if predestination is true in its fullest, nobody knows their destiny except for God, and thus all we can do is live our lives to the "fullest" in the eternal sense of the word. Despite what my mind tricks me into thinking or what others might say, there is so much good that I could be doing right now and so much stuff that I need to get right in the midst of where I am now. And nothing is going to happen if I'm on a roller coaster. What I need to do is get myself out of that ride, out of that theme park and into my car, where I can take those roads and hills head on with God in the driver's seat.
I remember writing numerous posts in the past about roller coasters. Roller coasters, I thought, were the perfect analogy to describe my life. In the midst of constant struggle, my life would either be on the upswing or the downswing; at the top of the incline awaiting the fall or in full descent awaiting the flat line. But now that I thing back on it, the whole analogy is in another respect totally and completely flawed.
A roller coaster is in its essence a vehicle. It moves you from one place to another. But unlike other vehicles, a roller coaster is uncontrollable. It doesn't have a steering wheel or a winch and doesn't give or turn when weight is shifted. Furthermore, it doesn't actually take you anywhere, it merely brings you back where you started or to an exit right next to where you originally got on. This creates a problem, because life is not a circle. However much someone may try to persuade you otherwise, life does not go from simplicity at birth to a climax at growth to simplicity at death. It is a journey (excuse the cliche).
Saying my life is a rollercoaster condemns my life to one in which I have no control, and in which I have no purpose. If my destination is right where I started, then there's no point in what I do in the middle of it anyway. If I can't change anything anyway, then the inclines and pitfalls are inevitable and I might as well just do whatever I feel like, because non of it changes anything. But this is far from the truth.
I've realized over this Easter that the life God has given us is what we make of it. Even if predestination is true in its fullest, nobody knows their destiny except for God, and thus all we can do is live our lives to the "fullest" in the eternal sense of the word. Despite what my mind tricks me into thinking or what others might say, there is so much good that I could be doing right now and so much stuff that I need to get right in the midst of where I am now. And nothing is going to happen if I'm on a roller coaster. What I need to do is get myself out of that ride, out of that theme park and into my car, where I can take those roads and hills head on with God in the driver's seat.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Death Be Not Proud
DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
John Donne
(1572-1631)
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
John Donne
(1572-1631)
Monday, December 31, 2007
Time flies... always
Doesn't matter if you're sitting in bed, watching TV, playing video games, in school, solving world hunger, or saving the world, time goes by fast. Sure, certain tough experiences and even some really good ones seem to go by slowly, however I can't avoid being cliche on this one: life is short. Just a second ago our friends came over for New Years Eve, a minute ago I woke up this morning, an hour ago I was in church, a day ago I was in college mid-semester, a week ago I was graduating, a month ago it was the millenium, a year ago I was born.
I've already spent a quarter of my life, and on what? Was it a good investment? It'd be so easy to pass this off as just another year, to dedicate my oh so many new year's resolutions that are deep down very shallow but for me, seemingly hard to accomplish. Perhaps the best thing I can do is not plan on doing this or not doing that... those resolutions never have worked and probably never will work on their own. There needs to be some realization, some deeper understanding and motivation underneath it all. My question to everyone is, what is that motivation?
I think one can take a lot from the cliches Time flies and Life is short. These phrases capture how rare time really is. If time is so rare (so quick and limited), that makes it all the more valuable. Just that sense of value should be enough to motivate us to spend it more wisely. It's like money. To rich people, money is abundant and they are careless with it. But to a poor man, money is a rarity and every penny is valuable.
We are all poor men when it comes to time. We can't possibly, no matter how much we try, get more of it than what we have. If you eat healthier and are safe, perhaps you will save a few years, but the fact remains that nobody in this day and age will live past 124 (unless you plan on setting a new record). The question is, how will you and I spend our time. Will we put value on it and use it wisely, or be thrifty and careless. I couldn't think of a better question to ask on new years.
I've already spent a quarter of my life, and on what? Was it a good investment? It'd be so easy to pass this off as just another year, to dedicate my oh so many new year's resolutions that are deep down very shallow but for me, seemingly hard to accomplish. Perhaps the best thing I can do is not plan on doing this or not doing that... those resolutions never have worked and probably never will work on their own. There needs to be some realization, some deeper understanding and motivation underneath it all. My question to everyone is, what is that motivation?
I think one can take a lot from the cliches Time flies and Life is short. These phrases capture how rare time really is. If time is so rare (so quick and limited), that makes it all the more valuable. Just that sense of value should be enough to motivate us to spend it more wisely. It's like money. To rich people, money is abundant and they are careless with it. But to a poor man, money is a rarity and every penny is valuable.
We are all poor men when it comes to time. We can't possibly, no matter how much we try, get more of it than what we have. If you eat healthier and are safe, perhaps you will save a few years, but the fact remains that nobody in this day and age will live past 124 (unless you plan on setting a new record). The question is, how will you and I spend our time. Will we put value on it and use it wisely, or be thrifty and careless. I couldn't think of a better question to ask on new years.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The good, the bad, and the... not so bad
Ever play the game "Fortunately, Unfortunately"? I think it also is called "Good news, bad news". Honestly I never have played it, and well, I'm not even quite sure it is a game, although I am sure it is some type of activity, perhaps a story or something if not a game. Anyway, the first part of this "game" is coming up with a situation; usually a very simple one. Let's say the situation is a guy flying a small airplane. The idea then is to come up with a series of unfortunate events (which I in no way intended to be a pun on the book or movie...), all the while stating in-between each the positive side or the "Fortunately". The progression of the story could go something like this.
A man is flying a small plane.
Unfortunately, he's in a warzone.
Fortunately, he is a skilled pilot.
Unfortunately, he is flying over enemy territory.
Fortunately, he is a civilian.
Unfortunately, the enemy doesn't care.
Fortunately, he is near the border.
Unfortunately, there's an enemy plane on his tail.
Fortunately, he has guns.
Unfortunately, they're in his pockets.
Fortunately, he is more maneuverable.
Unfortunately, his right wing is hit.
Fortunately, he has landing gear.
Unfortunately, it's meant for water landings.
Fortunately, he has a parachute.
Unfortunately, the ground is solid from the cold.
Fortunately, there's a haystack nearby.
Unfortunately, there's a pitchfork in the haystack.
Fortunately, he missed the pitchfork.
Unfortunately, he missed the haystack.
And so on, if one wished to continue going. But it related well to my situation right now, as I could go on and on about the bad things that have happened and the not so bad side of them, and vice versa. I could say my first semester of college had some pretty stupid classes that could've been much better and that I spent way too much time doing work in *COUGH* engineering *COUGH*. But at the same time, I did learn something from the class and I got an A in it (to my surprise). I could also say I that it's great that I have a lot of time on my hands now that winter break is here, but then again, my break won't mean anything unless I use that time for something effective. The question I have to ask my self is, do I have good news or bad news where I am right now? If the answer isn't good news, maybe I need to reprint the headlines with something different, i.e. work to get myself to where my life is a book full of good news and good news to come.
A man is flying a small plane.
Unfortunately, he's in a warzone.
Fortunately, he is a skilled pilot.
Unfortunately, he is flying over enemy territory.
Fortunately, he is a civilian.
Unfortunately, the enemy doesn't care.
Fortunately, he is near the border.
Unfortunately, there's an enemy plane on his tail.
Fortunately, he has guns.
Unfortunately, they're in his pockets.
Fortunately, he is more maneuverable.
Unfortunately, his right wing is hit.
Fortunately, he has landing gear.
Unfortunately, it's meant for water landings.
Fortunately, he has a parachute.
Unfortunately, the ground is solid from the cold.
Fortunately, there's a haystack nearby.
Unfortunately, there's a pitchfork in the haystack.
Fortunately, he missed the pitchfork.
Unfortunately, he missed the haystack.
And so on, if one wished to continue going. But it related well to my situation right now, as I could go on and on about the bad things that have happened and the not so bad side of them, and vice versa. I could say my first semester of college had some pretty stupid classes that could've been much better and that I spent way too much time doing work in *COUGH* engineering *COUGH*. But at the same time, I did learn something from the class and I got an A in it (to my surprise). I could also say I that it's great that I have a lot of time on my hands now that winter break is here, but then again, my break won't mean anything unless I use that time for something effective. The question I have to ask my self is, do I have good news or bad news where I am right now? If the answer isn't good news, maybe I need to reprint the headlines with something different, i.e. work to get myself to where my life is a book full of good news and good news to come.
Monday, October 15, 2007
The Constant Battle
I realize it's a constant battle to keep myself focused and productive, and I realize I've been failing in this battle for the past few weeks. It's been the most evident this weekend on Fall Break, where, with all the time in the world at home during this Monday, I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything. And it's been that way for quite awhile.
Funny thing is how the battle keeps going even when I don't realize there's a war at all. Actually, I figure the times I'm losing are when I can't even see the enemy, or see a reason to fight. I become numb to the routine of just "getting by" in school (i.e. doing things at the last minute and not devoting enough time to work) and focusing so much on fun (i.e. games and more games of all sorts). It seems like so much fun, but this fun is clouding my vision as it's slowly bringing about my demise. It's destroying my potential as a student and my relationships with God and my family and friends. It may be bringing short term pleasure, but I constantly need more to keep me going and my day becomes based on how much fun I had. Basically, I'm losing the joys of life that God intended to be the focus.
I don't know how to elaborate on this anymore, and I've probably talked about this problem numerous times in past blogs. But, as I emphasize, it's a constant battle, one that I will never win until it's over and hopefully will never have to admit defeat.
Funny thing is how the battle keeps going even when I don't realize there's a war at all. Actually, I figure the times I'm losing are when I can't even see the enemy, or see a reason to fight. I become numb to the routine of just "getting by" in school (i.e. doing things at the last minute and not devoting enough time to work) and focusing so much on fun (i.e. games and more games of all sorts). It seems like so much fun, but this fun is clouding my vision as it's slowly bringing about my demise. It's destroying my potential as a student and my relationships with God and my family and friends. It may be bringing short term pleasure, but I constantly need more to keep me going and my day becomes based on how much fun I had. Basically, I'm losing the joys of life that God intended to be the focus.
I don't know how to elaborate on this anymore, and I've probably talked about this problem numerous times in past blogs. But, as I emphasize, it's a constant battle, one that I will never win until it's over and hopefully will never have to admit defeat.
What Now?
I'm not sure whether to consider this a good thing or not. The few days before I got home for Fall Break, I was extremely excited and ready to spend some time at home and everything. I couldn't wait to take a break from college life and I was looking forward to all the things I would do. Well, here it is, 4:30 Monday morning, the last day of my break, and I've got nothing to do. In fact, I didn't have much to do this whole weekend, if you don't count singing in church on Sunday. Don't get me wrong, I really loved coming back to see my parents and church family. But it was a much dryer return than I had originally pictured it would be.
I know partly this is due to the fact that all my friends are away at college right now so there's nobody to go see. But regardless, I'm not really sure what to think about all this. On the one hand, perhaps it's a bad thing that home is not as exciting as I'd hoped it to be. However, maybe it's a great thing that I'm anticipating my return to college. Maybe it's good that I enjoy college as much as I do, as I'll be spending a lot of my time there. I guess I'm content with my Fall Break, if not for the people I got to see and the sleep I caught up on, then for the realization it gave me about my enjoyment of college thus far.
I know partly this is due to the fact that all my friends are away at college right now so there's nobody to go see. But regardless, I'm not really sure what to think about all this. On the one hand, perhaps it's a bad thing that home is not as exciting as I'd hoped it to be. However, maybe it's a great thing that I'm anticipating my return to college. Maybe it's good that I enjoy college as much as I do, as I'll be spending a lot of my time there. I guess I'm content with my Fall Break, if not for the people I got to see and the sleep I caught up on, then for the realization it gave me about my enjoyment of college thus far.
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